today is the last day of May...so fast...
honestly,i really have no idea what i have done lo...cant remember...
tomorrow is june edi...most probably the last month for me to stay at home...but most of the time i wont be at home ba...my redang trip...and some other stuff that need to settle...haiz...
feel so tired lo...
i dont want to grow up anymore la...i want to be a little girl...just a little girl without worries...
chyeching,jia you!!do your best for your future!!

hmmm....just a random post la...dont noe what to say...haiz...

i miss my dear!!!

dear going to redang in 1hour time...haiz...he wont be here for 4 or 5days ba...haiz...sien...
lonely~lonely~
dear...i miss you so much!!!
anyway...must enjoy yourself o...take more photo o!!show me when you come back o...next time we go together o...we go pulau perhentian...hehe^^dont leave me alone here...really miss you...

i miss my girlfriends!!

was watching the "present" that jacyln,eehsin,kexin gave me during my 19th birthday.
still remember i was crying when i watch it for the first time.
feel so touch when i saw what they wrote,the picture they put in.
and now when i watch it again,lots of memory la.
i din cry o!!hehe^^
even though form6 is a tough and long journey,but i wish i could go through it again,so that i can have more time to spend with my dearest friends.
i really miss those time we spend together.

i miss you all so so much!!!!!!!!

原来我是那么的害怕
原来我还没做好心理准备去面对即将来临的大学生活
原来我是那么的害怕独自一个人
原来我还是希望有朋友陪在身边的感觉
原来我一直都活在过去的回忆里

什么时候开始我变得那么害怕陌生环境
什么时候开始我不敢去接触新朋友
什么时候开始我变得那么胆小

也许
过去的中学生活
我都是被保护的
身边都是我熟悉的朋友
一直都不需要去面对新的环境
就算是中六也好
身边也有一群朋友陪着我
而这一次
我必须独自去面对新的环境新的生活
身边少了你们
我会不习惯
我会害怕
但是我知道这一次
分离是肯定的
我真的必须自己独自去面对未来的生活了
我真的很怕
我还没准备好

mentally and physically not prepared yet

现在觉得好无助
我真的需要有人陪着我去面对新生活
我需要有人让我知道我不是一个人去面对新生活的

曾经有个人说
他担心我
这样的我怎么一个人生活
这样的我怎么能够适应宿舍生活
什么事都只能靠自己
我记得我告诉他
别小看我
我一定可以的
但是现在我怀疑了
我真的可以吗？

kinda settle edi ba.my problems.
but another problem is rising.

haiz.

can i cry?
am i strong enough to overcome this obstacle?

chyeching!!jia you!!
no matter what,you must be strong!!

yup...i believe i can.

无奈

很难得我用华文吧
嗨

我不想等本地大学了吗
新大呢
我真的不想吗

并不是啊

monash是我最后的选择

如果
我真的这么幸运
这种烂成绩也能被新大入取
我去！
但是
现在没消没息
我还能怎样
原本的信心都被磨光了

本地呢
更不用想了吧
3.17而已
又不是4.0
可以拿到什么科系
以后要做什么

我不喜欢这些不确定

原本以前的计划是
中五毕业
上中六
然后进本地大学
我一直都很希望进本地大学的
但是现在这种不能确定未来的状况
我还能坚持要进本地大学吗
根本就不知道会被分去哪里
如果拿到sains pertanian还是什么的
我怎么可能会去呢

但是我还是在期待本地大学能够给我一个好的选择
只要能够接受的
我还是会去本地大学的
只是现在
不要逼我了

我已经自己想了很多想了很久考虑了很多因素
才会这样决定的
我已经不是个小孩子了
我知道自己在做什么
这是我的未来
我必须确保它是最好的
我不希望以后会后悔还是什么

拿到成绩之后
申请大学
不管什么事
我都是自己去做
自己去解决
我真的不想麻烦别人
我觉得我自己可以解决的
钱的问题
也一样

我现在需要的
是支持
是鼓励
是信任
而不是质疑
而不是责备

我的未来
我想自己决定

kinda settle edi ba.
kinda decide where to go edi ba.
4years of uni life is waiting for me.
everything have to start all over again.
new friends.
new environment.
everything new.
jia you!!

haiz.my redang trip.haiz.
shall change it to Singapore trip ba.was so disappointed when i heard from her just now.i was so excited at the beginning.but now.i am totally down.dont really have the mood to go to the beach liao.haiz.
dear,you must enjoy your trip for me o.since i might not be able to go there edi.haiz.take more photos o!!show me everything at redang o!!
i really wanne go for holiday la.but how come my plan never come true de.always have some problem occur de.haiz.sad sial.
i hate this month.i hate june too.lots of things happen.i want my happy happy days come back to me.i dont want to live in dilemma.i dont want to live in uncertain.i dont want!!
someone save me please.
dear,where are you?come to me now.i need you.

i tot our redang trip is settle down edi.but just now kim called me and told me that she cant make it on that week.how?what am i going to do?i book the room edi leh...haiz...somemore is family package de...at least 5people...now she cant go...left us 4people only leh...haiz...really dont noe what to do now...

anyway...went out with dear...went for steamboat o!!my first time leh!!we really ate a lot lo!!!so scary...i think it's very rare lo...went out until so late...but i love it!!hehe^^

i dont know what to say now...very complicated la...haiz...today is full of up and down...really tough to type out everything..somemore i am not in the mood to blog...haiz...

sigh

why am i in the dilemma now...how come like this de wor...i know what i want...but that cost a lot leh...

let me count ha....

MMU-Accounting
-registration fees--RM1853
-RM317.5 per credit hour
-total credit hour--161
-total tuition fees-RM51117.5
-hostel-RM202/month
-deposit&prepayment-RM500
-total cost for hostel-RM10196
-living cost-RM500-1000/month

--Total--RM109313.5[+-]

Monash--business&commerce/communication
-general fees--RM250
-tuition fees/semester-RM13460
-total semester-8
-total tuition fees--RM107680
-hostel-RM400/month
-deposit&processing fees-RM1030
-total cost for hostel-RM19230
-living cost-RM500-1000/month

--Total--RM163160[+-]

that's a lot...RM50000 leh...

hmmm.....really fan2 la....aiyo...hope that i can throw all these things away and run to my little dreamland...hide myself there and never come out...just stay there...haiz...
i shall go and sleep now...extremely tired now...

stupid MMU.
why you offer me my first choice?!
cyberjaya accounting.
make me even more hesitated than yesterday.

stupid!stupid!stupid!!!!!

ishhhhhh........what should i choose now?of course MMU will be cheaper than monash...but honestly i still prefer monash leh...last time i never think of MMU at all de leh...but MMU de accounting is recognize by MIA leh...which is very good...but monash de...i might have the chance to go for student exchange program if i work hard enough...arghhhhhhh................really tough to make a decision lo...why like this de.....ishhhhhh................

i got the offer letter from monash.
i was very eager to get the offer letter from monash before this.
but now
i got it already.
i am hesitated.
i dont know whether i should accept it or not.
i thought i will be very happy if monash accept me.
but now
i dont know how i feel now.
it's kinda rojak feeling now.
shall i?or shall i not?

i have to admit that last time i wanted to go to the same uni with my dear.or i shall say i want to meet my prince in uni.but now.i met my prince edi.and most probably he is going there too.and now i am hesitated.i cant imagine he is in the same uni as me.i want him by my side all the time.but at the same time,i dont want him by my side.
the course that monash offer me really caught my attention lo.really make me wanne go lo.
how?what am i going to do?the same old problem that i am facing 2 years ago.haiz.
shall i?or shall i not?

i want dear stay by my side.
i dont want dear leave me alone.
i need dear all the time.

i need you...

i feel lost now.
i need a hug now.a tight tight one if possible.
i need some encouragement now.

i need you...

went to NUS with jacyln,kexin,esther early in the morning.there were so many people at the singapore custom.we,i mean me and jacyln,waited for about half an hour lo!!about 11am only reach kranji mrt station.esther was our tour guide for today NUS trip.actually we went there because we teman kexin for her interview.faculty of science.went to subway for our lunch.not really nice la.but it's something new to me,so i just tried lo.met wenshu there.waiting for kexin for her interview.then we took bus and go to jurong east.then went to IMM.but couldn't get the thing i want to buy.haiz.esther went for tuition.we went back to jb.it was so tiring.

esther was accepted by Cambridge!that genius la!oh ya!saw her photo when she went to hongkong for holiday.so nice!salute her la.go there by herself.alone leh!just because she miss him.haha.was thinking if she's going to Cambridge,he's in singapore.long distance leh!how are they going to maintain their relationship o...poor girl la...anyway,esther is still so cute!still the girl that i know last time.

redang trip.jacyln told me juivy and kim wanne go too.esther wanne join us too.kexin and wenshu still thinking.i really hope that kexin will go with us.eehsin too!!after school holiday,should be 8th june ba...are you guys ok with it?if can,should try to book liao...hopefully got room for us.we can get family package o!hehe^^really looking forward to the trip la!
jacyln was saying wants me to wear bikini.so i said if she's wearing,then i will wear too.hehe^^should choose a date go and buy together ha.
we should get few guys accompany us to redang there.they said got lots of malay guys there.might harass us.because we all girls leh.so...any guys out there?want to volunteer and go with us?haha~
my dear wont go with me de...even though he's not going with his family...haiz...he dont care about my safety de...haiz...that day even ask me whether me and jacyln bought the ticket liao ma...both of us...girl leh!!he also dont bother de...not worry at all...haiz...dissapointed lo...

i know my entry for today is weird.it's really not my style to blog like this.but i dont care.i am not in the mood anyway.the only thing that can cheer me up is the redang trip ba.so,my friend,please make my dream come true k?期待-ing.

i miss my girlfriends!
meet up soon k?

ps:i want to watch sky of love.恋空.wednesday is the last day liao.who can go with me?i dont want to go into cinema alone.anyone?

surprise!!!!

hey!!!i met jacyln today o!!!
so happy^^
i was wondering whether i wanne ask her out for movie or not in the morning...but suddenly need to go to fetch my dad ...so have to cancel what i had plan...
but when i go for lunch...i saw her!!!
so...next time...when i wanne see her...i should think of her in the morning...and thinking to date her...then i will get to see her de!!!haha~

think too much liao la...

anyway...i miss my dear!!!!!
i want to see him!!!!right now!!!!1

happy birthday to my di-di~chihong~
enjoy your birthday o~